I’m a little confused
absolute rage masked as professional pleasantry

This should be more of a listening session for you
the politest way I've ever been told to shut up

I was under the impression that...
I know you're wrong because I know more than you about this topic.

Did you mean to say this here?
Can you even explain the thought process behind this?

Happy to help here!
It's my job. I'll do it.

Team, let's make sure we're all aligned
I have nightmares about hearing this

A few things
You’ve done it now!

Thanks for looping me in
You should’ve come to me 10 emails ago and I would’ve saved you 9 emails, dummy.

Just circling back on this
I just need you to answer! A “yes” or “no” will do!

In future, please...
In future we won’t be interacting because you’re dead to me.

I'll let you two take it from here
I'm not part of this and don't want to be.

I've attached another copy to this email for your convenience
I know you're going to buy yourself time by claiming you lost the previous file.

Thanks in advance
You don't have a choice.

I’m balancing a lot this week
Just a quick reminder that I’m not your employee.

Thanks for your feedback. I'll be sure to keep it in mind.
Your input is irrelevant if not flat out wrong and you know less on the topic than the back end of a donkey, but I have to pretend that I considered your opinion.

As previously discussed...
I didn’t put it in writing the last time because I thought you were an adult.

I wanted to follow up
You forgot, didn’t you? Didn’t you? Am I a joke to you?!

I hope this helps!
Never ask me for anything ever again.

Per my last email...
Do you even know how to read?!

That turns out not to be the case ...
You are wrong.
 
"Noted".
i.e.: I don't care and I'm not going to do anything about it.

Let me know what you decide.
I'm not expending any more effort because it is obvious that my attempt at using logic is useless.

"Let's take this off-line."
Either (1) I don't care what you have to say, or (2) tabling this issue in the presence of others is going to be embarrassing for me.